September 01, 2014

When You Try Your Best But You Don't Succeed

Getting the hang of it.

I think it's been a while since I've felt what it's like to lose at something. By that I mean it's been a considerable amount of time since I last felt some form of defeat.

Previously it would have been my poor physical performance that would leave me in the dumps. As things moved pretty fast and there was always something else to look forward to back then, the time available to wallow in self-pity was brief.

Now that the die has been cast, I'm once again hit with a familiar wave of emotions. I found that letting it all wash over was the best solution. It took a lot of vacant stares while thoughts ran on overdrive in my head. This time though, I was keenly aware of what I was feeling. I knew that it was only natural to guard up my defences and lock target on any and all reasons for doubt. Yet by acknowledging these feelings, a strange sense of calm came through.

It takes a trustworthy group of friends willing to lend a listening ear to make things better. I like to think I'm wiser now, to know that time could be better spent contemplating my next course of action and to look ahead. There will nonetheless be a need to entertain a moment of grieving, but that should be just a moment and nothing more. 

August 10, 2014

Sorry But We're Out Of Stock

Or more like: Sorry, you're out of luck.

Ever been in the situation where the item you want is no longer available, or even worse, is available but not in the colour/size/type you want? Well it feels just like having door after door of opportunity slam shut in your face. But in a less melodramatic way.

I could not fathom for the life of me why I could not get my hands on an appliance I scoured all over the island for. It didn't help that the customer service was generally uninterested and relied on a database with an outdated stock list. There I was leaving one outlet from another empty handed. I guess that's how it feels to be told 'No' to your face after an interview.

To be fair it isn't the fault of customer service; they have no control over the hoards after the same appliance that fall into a demographic I care not to think about. But it stings when you try and fail time and time again. It's easy to throw in the towel after a fruitless endeavour but I've learned over the course of some unrelated events that that isn't the answer.

A while ago I had a deep conversation over dinner with two friends who shared differing views on how to conquer this new chapter of my life. On one hand, being proactive and to have initiative seemed to be the way to go. And on the other, the laid back approach was just as viable. I mulled over the two options and figured a good balance would suffice.

That approach seemed like the best solution to my current woes. Obviously it didn't mean the end of the world when the item was out of stock everywhere I turned. It would only be a matter of time they'll come around again. Working on People On The Park has also taught me that the missed opportunities are the ones that hurt the most. So perhaps I should've bit the carrot and went in for the purchase on my first try when I still had the chance.

I don't have any idea how my quest for merely an electrical appliance could spawn such a reflection, but it probably has to do with the realities of being an unemployed student kicking in. Hard. Or perhaps this is a sign I should hold back in the event of rainy days ahead.

There remains a lot more gold apart from this speck of coal. And I couldn't be more thankful for that.

July 26, 2014

Enjoying The Simple Things

July should never end.

The past month has been filled with endless fun and joy. Work has become more like play and every other day brings another spontaneous adventure. I guess this is what summer is supposed to feel like. The best part of it all is getting to see how everyone else is doing in their own lives and catching up on their narratives.

I've been incredibly fortunate to get to do the little art projects I love and now that I'm seeing them take flight every so slowly but surely, I'm excited about what is in store.

Taking on a project like People In The Park required a lot more guts that I had initially anticipated. I was mentally prepared for the difficulties but just lacked the push to go out and just do it. One fine afternoon when I had some free time on my hands, I decided that there was nothing to lose if I just went out to shoot. And I guess that first step was all it took and I can't wait to see where it brings me.

June 29, 2014

The Good That Was Always There

With my mind clouded in frustration, I didn't realise that I was being far too critical of myself.

The Sharpie felt odd in the palm of my hand. Wrapping my fingers around it gingerly I struggled to maintain a firm grip on it as I put pen to paper. Tracing the letters with the nub of the marker, I manoeuvred my wrists in gentle twists and turns to spell out words on the page.

I looked at the first draft and instantly wanted to tear it up into a million shreds. Ripping it off the spine of the book I tried a second attempt. Then another. And another. They all looked hideous. The stack of paper all bearing the same quote emblazoned on it in blank ink grew along with the irritation brewing inside of me. Soon enough I had expended every last piece of paper. None of my attempts did it for me.

June 26, 2014

Contemplating The Inevitability Of Oblivion

Have you ever stopped to ask why you care so much about your silly questions? 

[Minor spoilers follow.]

I think I've been quite intrigued by the finality of death for quite some time and watching The Fault In Our Stars confirmed my suspicions.

TFIOS is by all accounts a movie for the ages. It deals with so many universal themes and deep truths while keeping a highly realistic tone that punches you in the gut. Critics have called this one of the more 'grounded' young adult films of the year and I think we can expect producers to jump on the bandwagon and flood our screens with more of the same tropes.