May 11, 2013

An Undying Love For Theatre

Overwhelming satisfaction from spending time back in the box.

It just so happened that my week of leave coincided with production hell week back in school and I decided to go back and help out in any way I could. I'm glad I made that choice.

Those four years spent laying cables, getting into character and doing shake-offs were unforgettable. And the past few days spent inside the theatre brought back a flood of good memories. I don't think I'll ever shake off the feeling of what it's like to have witnessed a cue go down in perfect timing or when a collective magical feeling washes over the cast when they know it all feels right. Just as the house lights dim, a buzz of electricity fills the dark emptiness and the stage as pools of light spill all over it. The show always goes on. The post-production suppers are always a highlight to the end of any day and that brief moment we had with a spectrum of members from all the past batches was a surreal treat. I could go on about things I missed but in all I thoroughly enjoyed the little free time I could spend mingling with new faces in old places.

The little space outside the theatre became my camping grounds for the week. I helped out with most of the publicity material and was privy to some inane conversations by cliques in the vicinity. Back then we all felt so self-important that it's hard to believe no one ever came straight up to tell us to shut our trap. But that's besides the point. While I painted, cut and pasted away, I blended in well with the crowd such that some tutors did a double take before recognizing me in the midst of my work. I came in with a whole lot of ideas and am thankful that they all became a reality in such a short span of time. Given that I could not participate much in a play involving alumni, I was glad I could give back in a small capacity.

With much experience gained from World's End, the times when I would usually go into panic mode became a thing of the past. Now when bulbs blew, mobiles fell and cable connections got tangled, I was able to maintain an odd sense of calm knowing that in any case things had to be done to fix it. No amount of panicking would do the trick.

I guess in the years that have passed, the constant brushes we had with club alumni bred in us a strong sense of ownership. That even when our time in the spotlight is now long gone, we still harbour strong feelings towards a place filled with people that helped us find our inner confidence and a sense of belonging. For most of us, it is only a pause in this relationship with theatre that continues every time we return to house doors held wide open to welcome us back.

April 28, 2013

The Case For Gratitude

I've lost track of time in the past week shuttling from place to place but this is something I thought worth thinking about.

By all accounts, we often let the busyness of our lives overshadow the fact that we have many things around us to be thankful for. This isn't the sort of feel-good, motivational thing that lights a spark in you and gradually sizzles out. It's a habit that when done on a regular basis, puts things into perspective and helps you live fully in the present.

Now that time has given me more opportunities to be at home, I realize that the inner mood-swinging teenager in me kicks in subconsciously every now and then. Whenever I step into the house and my parents ask me how my day has been while my gaze is fixed on the screen of my computer, the nagging thought at the back of my head is that the conversation is getting on my nerves and should end now. It's terribly selfish of myself to see it in that way now that I think about it, but this has been a knee-jerk reaction of mine on some occasions. While I understand that they've not seen me for the bulk of the week and would just like to check up on me, I think I have a lot to work on in terms of shutting off all the wonderful gadgets around me to give them my fullest attention however short the time might be.

Appreciating our parents is one thing, and the oft-said argument on doing so before it is too late just guilt-trips people all the time. But how wonderful it would be if we make the conscious effort to express that gratitude outwardly in word or action. That our show of gratitude can be tangible is something we should all look towards to as it not only enriches yourself but others around you too. You can be in the middle of the shittiest situation but to be able to look above and beyond that to what you can be thankful for is a tall order that when accomplished, fills you with immense satisfaction.

In some ways this is perhaps the reason why I have the habit of writing cards with thank you notes to many important people I meet at different junctures in life. Sure, it is a pain to get them done but the feeling of sealing that envelope and delivering it to the person by hand is a whole other thing in itself that cannot be replaced by a Facebook like or comment. To actively block out time to think about the people and things around you that you should be thankful for truly lets you take stock of the many blessings you have, even when you might not be deserving of it. Even now I still cannot believe I've had the fortune of being friends with so many inspiring and amazing human beings.

Living a life of gratitude has helped me pull through the toughest of times and it continues to be a daily habit of mine. Through logbooks and journals, I keep constant records of good things that have entered my life and that I should be thankful for. It's the simple things that we can be thankful for that makes life most fulfilling. And it's a habit we can all start today.

April 22, 2013

How I Spent My Block Leave III

It was my birthday week ya'll. And I was fortunate enough to get to spend it out in the real world. 1. 2.

Returning to camp to meet the guys once more, with their new looks and all. Went for a showing of Oblivion and enjoyed the visual spectacle it was. It moved at a glacial pace and the twists were surprising but as many have mentioned, it left audiences with an empty feeling. Perhaps the payoff wasn't as extraordinary. It's sci-fi anyway. It will always polarize. Caught up with some of the guys for Japanese fare at a place I've never been to. The walk over to the hotel was hilarious and became somewhat of a navigational adventure with our two point men arguing along the way. The food at Irodori was scrumptious and the staff worked tirelessly on our absurd orders but I guess they knew what was coming when a group of guys entered their joint.
__________

Having brunch with M, M and T at Hoshino Coffee where I got the prestigious opportunity to witness M prepare and snap his legendary Instagram photos. It was quite a sight. We talked about the past, present and future. L later joined us for Olympus Has Fallen and questioned at some of the logic at play but it was an entertaining movie nonetheless. That evening I joined the Drama Club for the first time in a long while for a short look into their rehearsal before rounding off the day with pizza at Peperoni's. The Saucisson was to die for. I really missed the production vibe and it was a nice moment of storytelling about past plays and the craziness of it all.
__________

Enjoying my time with L and H at Manhatten's for my birthday lunch. It's been forever since we last met and these guys made my day. They were the ones I stuck close to throughout the entirety of our JC lives. We had obligatory introductions as to where in the world we were right then, and what we had been up to with our lives that can never seem to cross paths. I could spot the same tics they had from our school days and basked in the familiarity as we traded stories and shared about what lay ahead. That evening my dad surprised me with two small tiramisu cakes which I wasn't expecting at all. Birthday cakes in the family are conventionally larger. He then fished out the real thing and it was then I realized I got fooled. We just reached a new level of birthday celebrations, where the aim is to go one step beyond the usual surprise. I can foresee my siblings getting Punk'd on their next birthday.
__________

Wrestling with the monster that is the year book. As I was faced with unimaginably irritating problems concerning this yearbook I was a part of, I found myself having to go downtown to hand over a thumb drive. That outing later turned into a shopaholic adventure as I helped my team mate shop. It was fun to go against expectations of being a fashion guru but I did what I could having learned from R. I hunkered down at a corner in a Starbuck's with a caramel frappe that afternoon, only to find a stray hair taking a swim in the whipped cream. I felt almost embarrassed as I informed the barista as I had consumed a third of it but he was genuinely apologetic and replaced it with the largest size without hesitation. His enthusiasm was infectious and even after that episode I was given a voucher. The barista went on with his job, announcing the next order in a cheery sing-song manner that made me smile to myself.
__________

Attending the calendar event of the year. The commissioning ball. I spent the earlier part of the day printing photos and just lazing around before I realized it was the afternoon and time to go. The evening began with me worrying over the arrival and look of our final product. The year book turned out great. Except for some terrible gluing, I was ecstatic that what first began as a bunch of foolscap sketches and endless talk finally materialized. Our video came up tops too. The rest of the night involved spotting familiar faces, sitting through yet another formal dinner experience that has become routine and waiting with bated breath when the lucky draw was on or when volunteers were being picked. It was nice to see the lot of us looking smart and world's away from our jungle garb. And it was probably the last I'd see the lot of them in the same place.
__________

Spent the better half of the morning at school again followed by hilarious conversations over lunch at Garden Slug and tea at Penny University. Along the way my postcard picking habit kicked in. I spent the remaining part of the day doing a massive overhaul of my table area and cupboards. It felt good to get things organized and sorted. But of course I had to distract myself a bit with episodes of Survivor because all that clearing was hard work. I had bags of old knick knacks and memories no longer worth keeping to dispose of. It was a painfully nostalgic experience going through stuff that reminded me of my roots. For instance, I came across an autograph book of caricatures I made of my primary school friends and at the back were messages from my teachers. My Chinese tutor left me a rather impactful note which is just as relevant today as it was back then. Old friendships were surfaced and patched. I'm thankful that a healthy space of time between L and myself made things better
__________

Taken by surprise when my cell gave me a cake in the middle of our usual closing prayer. What did I say about one-up surprises? In the early afternoon I joined the guys to cycle. In jeans. Not the best idea ever considering it was raining too. It was a short but fun ride which made me realize how badly I need to get out more. If not for my body but for my mental health as well. Breathing in the fresh air outdoors is an entirely exhilarating thing. What I really need though is to be forced to take part in some recreational sport. That moment when you pedal fast enough to release your grip on the handlebars as the wind rushes through your hair is quite something. However brief it was, I really believe I need to keep seeing these guys more no matter how hard it might be in the months to come.

April 18, 2013

Things That Make Me Cry

Seems like I'm pretty sentimental when it comes to the ending of things. Also, spoiler alert.

1. That entire sequence in UP.

2. Dove Real Beauty Sketches.

3. Toy Story 3.

4. Thinking about family in the toughest of situations.

5. The ending of LOST.

6. Paperman.

7. The ending of The Orphanage.

8. The final scene in Monster's Inc. when Boo answers the door.

9. That last scene in The Notebook when they've grown old.

10. The state of our public transport system.

April 17, 2013

Forever, We Are Platoon 2

9 months in 9 paragraphs is never enough.

"Oh shit I'm feeling damn nervous," said M. We were all lined up and ready as the latecomers streamed in beside us, greeting faces they recognized along the way. It was sunny out and no one was complaining. The weather forecast was proven wrong. A flood of familiarity washed over me as we marched up the same flight of steps we took on the first day we entered this school. It was here that we went up to the parade square to receive our freshmen rank, and now we were to graduate from it. The sun twinkled out the corner of my eyes as Rihanna's Stay played in my head for no reason at all. We made small talk reminding each other of the cues we would often make mistakes at and remarked at how incredible it was to be in the moment we've all waited nine months for to arrive. The final bugle call goes and butterflies instantly filled the pit of my stomach. This was it. 

I can't count the number of times I've been filled with apprehension and nervousness throughout the course. Whether it's taking up an appointment, doing yet another IPPT or just making sure you can avoid any of WSM's punishment as far as possible, I made the mistake once too often of fearing what lay ahead. Thankfully I dared to try, and in the company of friends who were supportive in their own way and wanted me to succeed, I felt safe and confident. To think not too long ago I was behind a desk with paper after paper zipping past to meet the next deadline. Now I've grown among the company of talented leaders who've taught me so much about myself. I don't have any regrets, but deeply wished I had more time to know these guys better and to forge stronger friendships. In truth, there really was too little time.


"Two more minutes," says our WSM who just moments earlier led us in a war cry to hype us up. This is the man who issued all sorts of punishments at all the wrong times possible. I could easily gloss over the fact that it's a job no one would want to have, but he has stayed true to maintaining this love-hate relationship with us. We spent the last week rehearsing under his charge and as we marched in for the real thing this time round, I couldn't be more thankful for how well prepared we were trained to be. Glancing at the back of the heads of my peers marching in file, I maintained a steely gaze ahead while soaking in as much detail as I could. There was a hitch in some drills but we recovered nonetheless. At the moment we came to attention while facing the audience, I couldn't help but dart my eyes back and forth trying to spot my family in the crowd. I knew I should have stayed focused but my mind drew a blank as to the rest of drills coming up, mostly because I was giddy with excitement. Under all the rivulets of sweat streaming down the bridge of my nose, I was elated to be right there on the square.


Surrounded by the four walls of the briefing room, our platoon was gathered on a Wednesday night to say our goodbyes in the best way we knew how. I had a few surprises up my sleeves that were a month in the making. It would never have materialized without the help of everyone and I thank God for the sudden strokes of inspiration that made the night most memorable. What first started out as a gift exchange between instructors quickly moved into emotional rollercoaster territory as I screened photo montages and played a faux awards show that jibed at everyone's personal quirk from over the past nine months spent together. Seeing the look on everyone's faces as they were captivated by the videos they helped to create was priceless. It was the least we could do to say thank you to the people who spent more time with us than required of them, taught us to be better leaders and inspired us. With all of us gathered back in the same place we first met our instructors, it was only fitting for us to return the favour with the little gifts we prepared that in no way could measure up to the sacrifices they had made for us. 


The sequence of the parade went by in a flurry and thankfully the inspection went by much faster than anticipated. With the weather still in check, all was going good. All of us sang our hearts out for the multi-racial songs, even though we didn't fully know the lyrics, or even its meaning in some parts. It was the passion that mattered. As we went down striking items off the sequence checklist, the moment where we all held our hopes high on to becoming a reality drew close. At this point the weight of our weapon didn't matter, every calculated move was executed with precise timing regardless. I could feel the grip of my gloved hand on the rifle tighten as I changed hands with it, before plunging my fist to my chest as I bellowed the pledge with gusto. The cheers from the crowd at each appropriate point kept us going. Flashes of camera bulbs from the corners of our eyes were no distraction as we all kept our gaze locked and center. The path ahead was clear.


Peering down the bunk hallways filled me with a sense of melancholy, knowing that the remaining times I'd ever do this again were diminishing. Whether it was to pass down important information, run over to check out a video someone just had to show or simply having to find out that one amazing new song blaring over the speakers in another room, that running up and down routine is just one of many I'll miss dearly. We became so used over time to cleaning our areas and spending what little free time we had lying chest down on our beds with our phones without getting caught for 'sleeping' that we forgot how fast this would all become a memory in the days leading to our graduation. The times we all stepped outside to make out that one inaudible announcement over the PA system were such common occurrences that it was at first unsettling when we could make one out on the first try. What made it particularly heart wrenching was that our block was to be renovated once we left and that meant we would be the final occupants of this place filled with much history and is always buzzing with excitement from cadets.


The sound of applause erupted as we began the slow march. It was near impossible to make out the beat of the drum and that made us go out of step at some points. This was it, with rank in hand we marched out back onto the square singing the loudest we could. Chest swelling with pride, we took up our positions as we waited upon the swarm of family members and friends in the audience to join us. The wait for my family was excruciatingly long. Friends had already spotted me earlier and came up to congratulate me. I was thoroughly surprised that they had made it into the parade. At this point, the announcements were running out and my parents were still nowhere in sight. I fished out my phone as a last resort, thumbed the pad with a gloved finger with some difficulty and helped my family navigate their way to where I was. A hurried affixing of ranks and one family photo later, we came to attention. One, check, one.

Every Sunday night I would book in along with M and the car rides, though long, became a fixture over the past nine months. In that journey I often recalled myself dozing off as us cadets never seem to get enough rest. M and I would have small talk over the coming activities in the week, things we looked forward too or a reflection that was due and had yet to complete. On the last bookout, M and I along with a few others shared a cab ride home. I was in the front seat with my phone on my lap as the video I made was playing. In all the times I edited it I never once felt its emotional weight until then. Those clips of the experiences we've been through brought us close as brothers, and those are moments I'll never forget. I turned behind to find everyone else fast asleep and I couldn't help but smile a sad smile to myself as this would be the last of those sleep-induced cab rides home. 

We tossed our caps up high, with complete disregard for the strong gusts of wind and impending storm cloud overhead. I locked eyes with the trajectory of my cap as it sailed across the cap-dotted sky, and it was almost as if time slowed down ever so slightly when it reached the peak of its flight. And as it landed back on the ground, with it came the startling reality that a whole new journey was about to begin. We may not see each other so often in the coming months, but the true friendships we've made will stand the test of time. Those hardships we've faced together have brought us closer than time and distance can separate us. It is both heartening yet sad to know that what we shared has indeed come to an end. Yet with the close of that chapter, another begins. One that is just brimming with endless possibility.